So, been off sick for a couple of days and while nothing has really happened...well, things happen.

I have to share here, becuase I have to vent to someone and it isn't anyone who can't hear other things anyway and most people I know would have all kinds of ethical conflicts and I just want to purge my 'fuckin' get overyourself already'ness somewhere. And not to hurt my friend.

She has no women friends, except me. And I'm hardly womanly with her. If we were partners, I'd be the bossy domineering one: oh, wait! I already am! Anyway, shortly after we 'did it' she 'did it' with the tattoo guy she's been all wet for 'he's soooo talented and sooo big and tough and soo rugged with is Angel tats and his Angel connections and membership --but he' s totally legit and works at his own businesses at arms length to the club and the 'crime' elements.

Ya rite; whatever. And since I was feeling a little bit I need someone to talk to and you're clearly going to have sex with this man soon so if I suggest it at least I'll be able to be frank with her when I'm feeling a bit, you know, guilty or conflicted or whatever. So, I do and they do and ever since...

I know her mother has done crazy things to her self esteem and she's in a crazy way super needy for men to 'take care of everything' and 'whisk her away' and stuff...so, deep background is that her hub (completely gorgeous, if selfabsorbed man) pulled her out of a life of drug and self abuse as a 3rd string fuck for some oversexed club owner in the district in TO (Larry, for god's sake).So now, the kids are a little bigger and she's feeling a bit neglected (selfabsorbed, remember) so she gets a couple of tats from the big, scary biker guy and all of a sudden she's in freakin' grade 10 all over again. 'do you think he likes me'
Vomiting yet?

The worst are the pouty ones:'he hasn't texted me obscene texts in almost a whole week; do you think he's forgotten me?' 'oh, most of the pictures he sends me are not shareable *giggle*'. I wish I was kidding. Or even worse: he was supposed to text me about when we could meet this week and he hasn't yet. Do you think he likes me still?

And I'm happy if you ask after my health. Is there a problem with us? There is no us, I guess, which is the point. She seems to be having more fun than me, though. All I can see is bad: bad feeling from a bad scene that will end badly.

The biker will move on or ...maintain this affair for years, perhaps. Worst case is that the boys are almost grown, she leaves hub for this nutjob and he get's thrown into the slammer for something really bad, like human trafficking (which I sincerely doubt, but tax evasion is possible). Then where are ya? I wish her hub were as attentive to her needs as mine.

The corrollory is that, of course, we find ourselves each in the best situation. I'm neither lonely nor frustrated, and you aren't either. I would assume. And I have the 'access to the equipment that I do so enjoy. Again, I wish I had a better handle on what I could do to...get you a bit ruffled. You're always so composed.

Seconds, please

Quarterly, it seems, I may be able to see you.

The second time was more weird, if possible. The overhead light was on, which meant that I could see how beautiful your body is. That was so nice. And it was fun to be with you and talk with you and yet, still I'm not sure what you need me to do. Is it enough? Is it too much? Am I too; or not enough? The breasts. They're small. Sorry 'bout that.

And of course the timing is not optimal. It was nearly 'all clear' but not quite, exactly. I barely notice, but I spend my days cleaning up less yukky stuff than ever now, so really: that is Nothing in my larger experience. You are not used to that, despite having a dog and cats and a partner. I sense your sensibilities are considerably affected. Don't deny it; I'm hardly a delicate woman.

Don't get me wrong. I wish so much that I was. I wish I was delicate and fresh faced and dewy skin'd and bare and soft. Rather, I'm a squishy, scruffy and silly old girl. Ah well. I'm so happy to spend time with you. It's odd, the format you've chosen. I don't think I would have thought of naked and playing. It's oddly comfortable, though.

And, I have to say that I appreciate the access to the equipment. It's new and fun; not unlike the regular format but a differet shape. I like to feel the difference inside me; the different ways we intersect. And it's fun to taste the differences too. I want to experience a lot of things with you but at 2 hours a quarter, it's going to be a while before that's really exhausted.

Which brings me to the next point. That, considering everything, should I ever expect to see you again? Or maybe once more...but then...I feel I need to really do ...something...to prove to you I'm worth the time. Another blowjob? Awesome: fun and more fun. But, that's kinda...I mean, once a day is great. More often is less fun. I want some too. And I didn't really know what to do, how to get or even what I wanted to do. I want to get close to you, but I'm not used to doing that without words. I wanted you to take me. To do with what you wanted with me. To hold me and take advantage of me. But then, you seem quite shy (really? you have an other woman; that must take some kind of steel) and not really sure about what you're doing. I feel a bit new myself, with you. It's unknown. Uncharted. I enjoy the exploration, but I fear your patience is wearing thin.

And what if I came to your town: would you visit? If you were in TO and I had a room...would you visit me instead? I would totally do that so you wouldn't have 'me' in your 'space.' But, I would want you to stay longer, maybe. And to take a shower with you. I was a bit sad that you weren't more into that idea. It didn't seem such a stretch after everything else, really. It was a small shower.

I guess cougars are more tolerant of the young since they're used to cleaning up after them. And the cubs are tolerant because they're used to having everything done for them, including washing thier backs :) I don't like the young, because I am tired of boys. Boys are for girls and I'm a woman, now. I like you. And I really like your body. And I hope to have the opportunity to enjoy it again. And, hopefully, again. And again.

I'm going to passe le capoterie for some delicious flavour for next time. I hate the taste of those things.