Why is the First Time Always the Worst Time

It's been a long time and there's news: that benchmarking project is underway...ish. There were some setbacks. First, there was email: I sent the Side of the Road link to the dead email...but not so dead.
Perhaps that's why he suggested we meet up when he was in town for a visit. So nice. We met up at his hotel and dined (lightly) at the Queen Mum; then back to the hotel and...then a pouncing and too fast...and there we were. Done. And to top it all off my hateful body pulled a 'let's bleed all over the hotel linens' for...what turns out, two days later, to be no apparent reason. I think there was some sort of 'piston-like' effect; maybe more like a syringe plunger...either way. Wah! Hardly the impression one wants to make. And of course I was overcompensating for being increadibly insecure and shy by being pushy and bossy-girl. Why does anyone sleep with me?
And then he was also 'new' and 'fast' and, in between all those good things that I've been dreaming of for two years, exhausted from the wine and the travel...The best bit was the chance to nuzzle that chest and suck his cock and feel him respond to me.

So, yes: he has a chest that is wonderfully furry and soft and nuzzle worthy to an exponential degree. Lean and muscular and well endowed (piston) and beautiful and surprisingly gentle and patient. And he came quickly and I felt so flattered because I made him that horny (too).

And now, will we ever Ever get a chance to see how good we could be together? Clearly, there is a lot of good experience between the two of us. I'm just frustrated that things were so brief and silly that he won't want to ever go there again. I hope this isn't the case.

One thing I'd love to do is to actually start that erotic novel; the images aren't imaginary anymore but now they aren't...can I actually do it? Not in the short term: too much work, and then there's a reno on the horizon...I will share the link, though.
Not yet, but I do want you to read this someday.

The post event communication has been very limited; 'nice' night was mentioned. Apologies were offered. (Nice? for a word-guy, I was hoping for something a bit less generic)
"No strings" sex for sure; but not 'meaningless'. I'm very interested in what it means to have something (because it isn't Quite the man himself) special, just for me only.

I am also concerned that he's not actually so cool with it all as he seemed; I want him again and I want to show him what I can do, and give him an opportunity to show me what he could do for me...but: My breasts are small (I think a strike, but hardly news) and, of course, the tummy (sigh: working on it).

They are off to Colombia in 2 months for 3 weeks. I'll try to call (yes, the phone) just to hear his voice before he goes...in case that is it forever. I know that this can't go on, really. A trip to Ed. might be possible; I could make it up then. I could at least choose the time.