file -

I want a catalogue,
a file.
The feel of him standing behind me as I look out a window/.mfc - memory file catalogue
I want to feel it like it's happening
NOW
How his chest feels against my back
and how his arms feel as his hands come up my arms, only to be caught by my breasts.
Coincidence - no.

I thought I could - maybe, just maybe
pull it off.
I now think, no.
I want to just blurt it out; the crush. (20 Questions totally busted me)
I'll never see him again - just to get it out of his system/er: mine, funny little slip, that.
It's just that, just at the end there, it seemed -- for a moment
Well then it changed.
But that's good. Very good.
I could have really made a fool out of myself over you, she said. More than I have done already, I'm afraid.

Kiss my neck, I'll need that one too.
And on a cold, snowy day in New York
I'll need a kiss in Central Park, or outside the Guggenheim. A black and white for the file.
A tousled head on the couch with bare feet on the coffee table.
Pj's and t-shirt making coffee in a tiny kitchen.
I'll be in the best shoes in each one: heels will make it like my real life - which is soo sweet.
I'm so lucky.